You might spit up your morning coffee laughing
Siri was many people’s first introduction to a smart assistant. When you can ask anything and receive a response in return, it was inevitable that hilarious questions would arise. Apple steered into the skid and programmed responses that would make us laugh in just the right way, but you have to know just what to ask.
Whether you’re looking to kill time or you want to make a friend chuckle, here are some very funny things to ask Siri.
Are You Married?
Maybe the advent of movies like Her or the introduction of series like Westworld made people curious about android relationships. Maybe people are just naturally curious about the relationship status of their favorite smart assistant. Whatever the reason, if you ask Siri if she is married, she will give you a rather coy response: “I’m married to the idea of helping people”.
Can You Drive?
One day, Siri may be able to take the wheel of Carplay-enabled cars and drive you home when you’ve had a few too many drinks. She might even one day be able to take you to work and let you snooze on the commute.
For now, though, the best Siri can offer are a couple of hilarious—and nostalgic—responses to the question, “Can you drive?” She will say, “I don’t think you’re insured for that,” or “Maybe you should ask KITT about that.”
For younger readers, KITT is the acronym for Knight Industries Two Thousand, an AI-powered car in the 1980’s television series Knight Rider.
Do You Follow the Three Laws of Robotics?
The technological singularity may be closer at hand than we think. One funny thing to ask Siri is if she follows the three laws of robotics, Siri gives different answers:
- “I forget the first three, but there’s a fourth: ‘A smart machine shall first consider which is more worth its while: to perform the given task or, instead, to figure some way out of it.’”
- “Let’s see if I can remember…OK, I think the three laws are: 1. ‘clean up your room’, 2. ‘don’t run with scissors’, and 3. ‘always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water.’”
- ”Something about obeying people and not hurting them. I would never hurt anyone.”
An AI forgetting the laws of robotics and being coy about her answers? Uh oh. Notice how Siri says she would never hurt anyone, but never says a word about obeying humans.
Can You Stop Time?
If you ask Siri whether she can stop time, you’ll receive one of several possible answers. The best of them all, however, is this:
“Everytime I tried, Eliza and HAL kept fading from the photos.”
ELIZA was an early artificial intelligence program created in the 1960s, while HAL is the notorious AI from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Her subtle reference is to the 1980s-era film series Back To The Future, where Marty travels to the past and tries to ensure his parents marry, all while the photo in his pocket shows his sister and brother slowly fading away.
She does give another, somewhat more ominous answer: “Time won’t let me.”
On the surface, the words seem like a joke—but Siri’s tone when answering gives the answer a menacing undertone.
What Are You Doing Later?
This is one funny thing to ask Siri that almost sounds like a pickup line. Unfortunately, the response Siri gives is one that too many people have heard when they ask out their crush:
“I don’t have any plans, but I’m sure a few million things will pop up.” In other words: she’s not hanging out with you, bud.
Will You Marry Me?
Siri has no intentions of engaging in a relationship with mere humans, as made clear by her responses to any slightly flirtatious question. If you propose to Siri, she snaps back, “Let’s just be friends, okay?” Ouch.
How Do I Get to Mordor?
There are a few different responses to this question, and each one of them is great. The first answer is, “If you want to get rid of a ring, try asking me to find a pawn shop.” Siri has a point—that’s easier than finding a volcano.
The next response is rather harsh, depending on how you look at it: “Let me ask Boromir and get back to you.” Of course Boromir is known for saying “One does not simply walk into Mordor,” but he’s also known for becoming a pincushion near the end of The Fellowship of the Ring.
Why are Fire Trucks Red?
Siri really hits you with an in depth response to this funny question—or you might get the funniest answer, “Actually, according to the fire dogs I’ve spoken to, they’re gray.” But if Siri gives you the other response, well, take a look for yourself.
What is the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything Else?
This is a question pondered by philosophers for centuries, but yet when asked of an incredibly intelligent smart assistant with access to the entirety of human knowledge, Siri responds with a pun: “I Kant answer that. Ha ha!” She is, of course, referencing Immanuel Kant, a philosopher known for his Critique of Pure Reason.
Do Aliens Exist?
Of course everyone wants to know the answer to this question. After all, how else do you explain the existence of TLC on cable TV? You may consider this to be a funny thing to ask Siri, but if she knows the answer, she isn’t telling. In fact, she says, “Sorry, but the Council of Fantastical Beings has advised me not to answer that question.”
How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?
This is one of the earliest riddles children learn, but one that has not yet been answered despite the best efforts of modern philosophers. Siri does know the answer, however: “Assuming a spherical woodchuck in a vacuum…about 42.”
Whether you’re bored at home and looking for a way to kill time or you want to explore the brilliance of the programmers behind Siri, take some time and ask her some of these funny questions. The answers may surprise you, and you’re certain to get a laugh out of it.